This Six Pack Sunday is dedicated to all of the older ladies who like sports. Today's honoree definitely has a six pack though I have no desire to every actually see it: Ed Hochuli. I have to admit I was struggling to choose today's pick but about 2 minutes into the SNF game, I had an epiphany.
After the replacement ref fiasco earlier in the season, I was on Team Hochuli. How could you not be...he's a premiere athlete, successful lawyer and ultimate professional. But the quality most of us love most is his eloquent and beautifully crafted explanations. If you are not a well versed football fan, watch this.
Hey listen, if you don't understand the overtime rules completely after that I don't know what's wrong with you. While tonight's Patriots Niners game has been an atrocious display of Ed Hochuli's officiating skills, it might have a little to do with the fact that he's been forced to cancel the gun show that is normally displayed in all the big moments.
I mean come on look at those bad boys. Favorite gem of the night occurred in the 25 minute debate of the Ted Ginn Jr. where Hochuli articulately explained what happened "back there". Also, is he high or have his eyes just been closed this whole game? Must explain the numerous missed calls including the interference calls not made on Wes before that pick by Rogers as well as the PI in the end zone on Branch. I'll stop whining now and let you enjoy this Ed Hochuli themed drinking game for the rest of SNF.
On the bright side, there's only way to go from here. The Lakers cannot get any worse. The thing that's pissing me off the most though is these fuckers are wasting Kobe's glory years. He could be the Tom Brady of basketball if Dwight Howard could make a free throw and anyone actually gave a shit. Whatever happens to this team you better believe Kobe Bryant is not going to go out without a fight.
I know I'm biased but I'm pretty sick of Hack-a-Dwight or whatever you losers want to call it. Some people actually want to watch a basketball game and not drunk people waving around balloons the whole game. I get it, if Dwight made the FT's no one would do it but it's stupid. It's basically admitting the only way to stop Dwight Howard is to physically restrain him and while I like that notion, I just want to see them play. And I know that us Laker fans are not supposed to use the whole "we don't have a starting or backup PG" argument but we don't. Not to mention that PG is Steve Nash, one of the best point guards in the NBA, even at 65 or however old he is. AND they're missing Pau Gasol who has obviously been injured (sure wish we could trade that silver medal Pau). Without those 2 key pieces on this roster, there's no way the Lakers are going to look like the Lakers. Don't get me wrong, they have looked bored and also terrible but it's frustrating that injuries have to be a part of it.
Alas, there's always the Patriots.
I keep hearing the story line about the Patriots killing the Jets 45-3 on MNF then losing to them in the playoffs and is that going to happen again blah blah nonsense. We know the Texans still would have Arian Foster and Andre Johnson and that it was a tough game to win despite the score. The Patriots prepared and put in 100% effort and that's exactly what happens when this group of guys does that. The thing that makes me feel less concerned about the Texans is yes, now they have a whole tape of what the Patriots did to them but we're also working without perhaps the best tight end/red zone target in the NFL. The game plan is different with Gronk in the game and that's when the Patriots really get to do what they want (which is scary for the rest of the NFL).
Another tough week coming up for the Patriots, who will take on the 49ers at Gillette Stadium for Sunday Night Football. I fully intend on getting pumped up for this game by aggressively doing my karaoke version of the Faith Hill SNF theme in front of the TV. I'll let everyone take a second to enjoy that visual.
This game scares me based on how physical San Francisco is and I honestly cannot handle any more injuries this season. I hope the Patriots can show up and out-physical the 49ers and put on the type of performance they did last week. The key, in my opinion, will be stopping Kaepernick and preventing him from getting those big runs. There's nothing I love more than a man covered in tattoos but that is one man in tattoos I do not want to see in the end zone. Let's hope the defense can be as physical and dominating as they were against the Texans because if they aren't, they aren't going to win.
Oh and for those who were wondering, this is indeed me in the NFL mobile commercial:
It's refreshing to think that somewhere out there, there are more girls who like sports that wear dresses and eat ice cream on the couch with their cats...
This prestigious award can go to a player in any sport but with this being football season and the Lakers not being on national TV so much, I'll focus on the NFL. My heart only allows one purple and gold team, but this week's Six Pack Sunday looks pretty good in those colors on the football field. Despite their loss today to the Packers, the Vikings have to be thankful for at least one thing:
Christian Ponder, QB for the Minnesota Vikings, can be seen above with the adorable dimples and chiseled abs. He's 24, 6'2" and from Texas so in my book he's a pretty great catch.
Sometimes girls judge guys based on how pretty their ex girlfriend is and if you do this with Christian Ponder, I think most women would agree with me on this Six Pack Sunday. Here's a picture of his current girlfriend, ESPN reporter (definitely a girl who likes sports) Samantha Steele
Just your typical all American, blonde haired beauty with a great tan. But if Samantha looked back at Ponder's previous girlfriend, Kacie McDonnell, I think even she would be a little nervous.
Here's them on a beach somewhere with a personal favorite photo of Ponder...YUM.
So there's definitely something these hot girls see in Christian Ponder, and I understand. How can you not love a man who love puppies?
Sorry for your loss, Vikings, but if I were a fan, looking at this man would certainly help ease the pain.
Okay forgive me for posting this on a Monday, must have been all the tryptophan in my system.
But even before Thursday's games I knew who I wanted to put as this week's Six Pack Sunday. There's a note saved in my iPhone with his name. And it is a great name. This week I'm giving all my attention to Cecil Shorts.
If this is your first time hearing of this guy, you're missing out. As you can see by, I don't know, his face...he's pretty hot. And just this week as I obviously planned, he had 4 catches for 105 yards and a TD. His name may be a little strange but he's fast and I hope he does well (just never against the Patriots). He just barely meets my 6' and taller rule so I'm sold. In case you need a little more persuasion, check out this video below of Cecil working out (ignore the other non muscle-y guys).
So I've officially been in what I like to call a Gronkpression for 2 full days now. I read one quote from Tedy Bruschi saying Vrabel missed 2 games with the same injury and now that's the only opinion I care to remember. Fuck the 4-8 weeks, we'll see you on Dec 10th, right Gronk? PLEASE?
Everyone needs to relax on blaming Belichick for leaving Gronk in the game because he was injured on a PAT (has that ever happened before?). Belichick may not be the most charismatic NFL personality but this is one of his more insightful analysis' of the situation:
“You only have so many players. You only dress so many players,” he said on WEEI Radio’s “Big Show.” ”Somebody’s got to play. I think you’ve got to be careful when you’re trying to run a team, to go up to one guy and say, ‘Michael, we’re going to leave you in the game because we care about you, but Glenn, we’re going to take you out because you’re really important. You other guys go in there because if something happens to you, we don’t really care.’
“Again, I think football players play football. I don’t know how — you tell me which guy is going to get hurt and I’ll get him out of there. I don’t know how you do that.”
This is exactly why the Patriots are the Patriots and not any other team in the NFL that doesn't win. Everyone keeps saying "Oh is Belichick's style hurting his players?" By hurting his players, do they mean winning? If I'm not mistaken Belichick is 116-45 with the Patriots and if you dare to bring up the 2 Super Bowls lost you are a terrible person. I do love the end of this quote though like can we trade for Tebow so he can tell us which players are going to get hurt and then he could heal them?
They did make the MNF crew discuss the Patriots "running up the score" and putting Gronk in the game late and of course, President of the I Hate the Patriots Fan Club, Cris Carter, had something to say. It's time to stop sipping your haterade Cris Carter and just accept the fact that the Patriots are good. Even Keyshawn was fighting against you. As Katt Williams would say...
But in my real world analysis of Gronk's injury, here's my theory. I remember distinctly watching the week 2 game against Arizona and after Aaron got hurt, they couldn't get anything going on offense. Besides the fact that the offensive line was atrocious, it seemed like the game plan was so obviously focused around Aaron that McDaniels and Belichick didn't have the playbook handy that had any other plays. I went to 2 of the practice sessions over the summer and noticed a heavy focus on featuring Aaron as the main offensive weapon, "matchup nightmare" if you will, this season. It looked like Tom and Aaron we're having sleepovers and working on some male bonding so that he'd be the best weapon on the team (taking a mental break to imagine this scenario in my head). What I'm getting to here is that there must be an entire playbook that runs the offense around Aaron. I know most of those plays probably involve Gronk since he had played 93% of offensive snaps all year but that's the reason we've signed 29 tight ends. I know it's impossible to replace Gronk and there's no way Shaincoe can bulk up like 50 lbs in time for Thursday but he's going to really have to step up if the Patriots have any chance of winning. It would also be nice if we could have Lloyd round into form and start catching some 40+ yard bombs that we've grown accustomed to seeing on the first drive of every game from the other team.
In other news, just heard that the Patriots offensive line got some type of award for their week 11 performance. Ladies and gentlemen, I think it's time to start thinking about Dante Scarnecchia for league MVP. In a game where the Patriots are without Logan Mankins and Dan Connolly you would never guess they'd win any type of award let alone keep Tom Brady on his feet all day. I know Philly and Chicago fans would trade head coaches for an offensive line coach as good as Dante Scarnecchia.
Last week I wrote about Danny Woodhead's performance and this week I want to point out Rob Ninkovich. BTW I just Wikipedia'd him and who would have ever guessed he was of Croatian descent? The man has 6 sacks and 5 forced fumbles in 10 games this season. For everyone saying the Patriots don't have any pass rushers, look no further than Jet Killer Rob Ninkovich. He might not be Demarcus Ware or Aldon Smith but he is a playmaker. Another Patriot success story of a 5th round draft pick who floated around on practice squads and released by many teams who finally finds a home here in New England. It's cause to Bill, all players are equally important and everyone gets a chance. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll get to write about Talib and how great he is (fingers crossed). Mixed feelings on his first performance as a Patriot but since we hadn't seen a pick 6 in an eternity, I'll let him pass this week.
Love Kraft sitting next to Henry Kissinger at this week's game. One week it's Steven Tyler, Bon Jovi, then Henry Kissinger. Some owners have people wiping their glasses, other owners have Nobel Peace Prize winners.
This week I've got the luxury of watching the 1pm Jets Rams game (CBS you couldn't have found one game better than this??) Actually, I take that back. It's kind of nice to get to watch the Jets for a full game instead of just getting to see the lowlights on SportsCenter all week.
But this Six Pack Sunday is not about the Jets. Honestly I'm not sure there is actually one Jet I could feature anyway since mostly things like this come out of the Jets locker room:
Okay seriously this week's Six Pack Sunday is devoted to Danny AMENdola. Now you know my heart belongs with another under 6" undrafted Texas Tech Red Raider wide receiver/returner but I have to admit, this guy is not only pretty good but also pretty.
I guess I have a thing for underdogs in pro sports because it seems like these guys are nicer and I'm basing this completely on physical appearance. Although he doesn't follow my strict 6" and taller rule, the scruff and charming smile makes me reconsider (Wes you are still my #1).
The similarities between Danny and Wes, besides their short stature and boyish good looks, are extensive. Apart from their football background which I just mentioned, both guys are premiere slot receivers, can return punts/kicks, and have a really high football IQ. Neither guy wants to be a celebrity more than he'd rather be a great NFL player and that is a part of what makes them both so attractive. Another thing I find attractive about Danny Amendola is this look. AMENdola it is.
But the biggest turn on for me is how tough these guys are. You might think that being under 6" and under 200 lbs might be make them frequently on the sideline or easy to break but it's hard for me to even name any player as tough as Danny Amendola and Wes Welker. This year, Amendola broke his collarbone and was expected to be out 6-8 weeks but miraculously was back in the game in less than a month (again similar to Wes Welker who tore his ACL at the end of the 2009-2010 season and was back for training camp the next year, never missing a beat). You'll never hear either of these guys complain and there's nothing hotter than that. Except maybe this, an actual six pack sighting on Six Pack Sunday. Enjoy, ladies (and guys...take notes)
I think my heart rate is finally low enough for me to be able to think about this week of football. Every week I look forward to watching what the Evil Empire will come up with on offense and who is going to have a big day (usually it's Wes). This week we got to see a lot of Danny O'Woodhead. I love that little nugget. Seems like this is what the Patriots are best at, plucking undrafted agents from the rugby team (no really, we did that this year) and making them into your kid's favorite player. How do you hate players like Danny Woodhead? He's a perfect Patriot. Overlooked, hardworking, team player, does what they ask and succeeds. Which is exactly why the Jets let him go. Too quiet, intelligent and far too lovable. Rex hates guys like that.
I think it took about 3 offensive snaps Sunday to get my fix of watching Wes get slaughtered. Like, can't we send an extra offensive lineman out there to block him so that doesn't happen anymore? I don't think it would be a Patriots game without me having to ask someone if he's alive at least once.
Anyone else think they've got the replacement TV programmers working this year? I feel like we've heard every random "yo mama" and "fuck you bitches" that's been said this year.
Something else we saw this week that was not really meant for children was this:
Poor Eric Frampton but more importantly, poor everyone who saw that. Not the first time we've seen an asshole in a Dallas Cowboys uniform.
Things I don't look forward to seeing from the Patriots every week: defense. It had been going okay, and I realize as I say this that they had been on a bye last week. They had not been embarrassing in that game in London so I think it gave us all a little hope. I'll say it again, I don't care if Aqib Talib kills kittens, if the guy can play corner I want him on my team. They were atrocious this week. I think my dog could tackle Fred Jackson better than the Patriots defense did on Sunday. When the Bills were in the red zone with like :43 seconds left in the game I really believed it was over. I'd seen the movie before and every time so far, it's ended with a loser QB throwing to a wide open receiver in the end zone for the win. This time it wasn't and that's about it. Not sure how a team can flirt with the record of the most penalty yards in a game and still have the chance to win the game? I'm just glad they are closing these games with a win even if it is as uglier than Honey Boo Boo's mom.
Oh, and a Harvard kid calls someone a "punk"? Is anyone surprised? By the way, that's exactly what I want people calling a linebacker on my team. I don't want Fitzpatrick saying post game "You know, that Brandon Spikes is such a sweetheart!" That's what he's paid to do, be a punk. I'm really glad to have him and I think he has the opportunity to be a Rodney Harrison-type Patriot.
Just when you think everything is falling apart in the NFL, the teams that are normally good come to the forefront...
I need a few more hours to process my basketball thoughts. It's been a few normal, crazy days here in Laker
Land. The Lakers are the only team anyone is talking about in the NBA....
