The Gronkpression: Part 2

So the Gronkpression continues here in New England, where we lose "Gonk" as Menino likes to call him, for another postseason.

On a serious note...who actually votes for Mumbles to continue to be the mayor of one of the biggest cities in the country? Like if Boston had any type of emergency who honestly trusts that Menino would help at all? Also I totally think he's fucking up these names on purpose now just to get his 15 minutes. Like what's next Boston, Pauly D 2013?

Back to the AFC Championship game this week against the one team I really didn't want to play. I think I would rather go to Denver against Peyton Manning than have a home game against the Ravens and Ray Lewis. I know the guy can give great pregame speeches, halftime speeches, postgame speeches, courtroom speeches, but he has the NFL totally mesmerized. Aqib Talib has been in a few fights where no one was seriously injured and he's a potential poison to a locker room. Alfonso Dennard punches a cop before the draft and falls to the 7th round. Aaron Hernandez smokes a few blunts and he has "character issues". Fucking Gronk loses the Superbowl, gets blackout and dances on a hurt ankle and people question his work ethic. But Ray Lewis was involved in the brutal stabbing and death of 2 guys and he's glorified as a charismatic and powerful team leader. You got me, NFL.

YOU REALIZE YOU ARE A SPOILED PATRIOTS FAN WHEN....is a new segment I think I can work with. This week, I realize I am a spoiled Patriots fan when...I'm thinking about how disappointed I'll be if we don't win the Superbowl. How many teams would be thrilled to make it to the AFC Championship game at home for a chance to go to the Superbowl. But here in New England, we're going to be heartbroken with anything less than a Superbowl.

The person who I think might be most heartbroken if the Patriots lose is the newest girl who likes sports, my mom. And I might be more heartbroken to not receive texts like I did last weekend from my mom. Here is the Texans game through her eyes. Yes that is a martini glass.


During a pregame interview with JJ Watt:

Wonder which Patriot she would give a Six Pack Sunday?

Not a big fan of JJ Watt would be an understatement.

All the single ladies love Stevan Ridley (her man!!) 

You know you're a spoiled Patriots fan when...

If you are the girl who likes sports that basically knows Tom Brady is married to Gisele, Lance Armstrong confessed to Oprah about using steroids and Tim Tebow is a virgin, you may have been hearing about this online dating hoax. Now to some of us, this story is nothing more than an average Monday night at 11pm but believe it or not, to a lot of other people out there, this is a huge deal. 

To explain it simply, a good football player was having a great season all while struggling through an inspirational story of his grandmother and then his girlfriend passing away within a one day period. The story goes that this good football player, Manti Te'o (turn on Sportscenter for 20 minutes and you'll hear how it's pronounced), met a beautiful girl online and started sexting and tweeting at each other until they decided to make it official. Then this girl gets in a car accident and finds out she has cancer. They fall asleep on the phone together every night and when she dies, he plays in her honor and  is in the running for the best individual award in college football. Then, his team loses in the championship, another guy wins the award and someone finally actually fucking googles this girl. Like seriously, articles were being published in the biggest magazines and reporters we're writing about this story for months and no one bothered to even google the girl. Finally, someone (probably Nev Schulman) looks into it a little and finds out this girl totally doesn't exist. It's exactly like every episode of Catfish where you find yourself screaming at the TV like HELP THESE PEOPLE NEV!! (everyone does that right?)

So now it turns out that one of this guy's friends who coincidentally got in a car accident a few months before, definitely did it and no one is sure if he knew about it or not. So now you know. For more information on this, head here.

There are four teams left in the hunt for Superbowl 47, San Francisco, Atlanta, Baltimore and New England. If you're a fan of any of these teams, it's a very exciting time of year. And if you're not a fan of one of those teams, well, it must suck to suck. 

Right Lil' Joe!?!?

PLAYOFFS?! TALKING ABOUT PLAYOFFS!?

Just a few thoughts before the NFL playoffs begin and I become more and more unstable. I really appreciate the Patriots bye week for allowing me one relaxing weekend in the month of January. Shit's about to get real.

Wild Card Weekend starts now so obviously it's going to be a little wild. Nervous to see who the Patriots will play next week since I can actually imagine them playing any team left. I think if I have to choose I would choose Houston since I think the Patriots prepared hardest earlier in the season for them and while I don't think the game would go the same way it went last time, I think the Patriots would pull out the win. I would least likely want to play the Ravens because I don't think there's anything Ray Lewis would enjoy more than beating Tom Brady at home then retiring. Also no more Bernard Pollard...please no more.

These are my predictions for the next few weeks and I expect to be totally wrong on most of them. Also obviously I have the Patriots winning the Superbowl and you're on something if you think I wasn't going to do that.

Texans over Bengals
Packers over Vikings
Baltimore over Indy
Seattle over Washington
Denver over Baltimore
Patriots over Texans
Seattle over Atlanta
49ers over Packers
Patriots over Denver
49ers over Seattle
Patriots over 49ers

These are also some randomly selected players I think will have an impact in the playoffs. This is only so that if any of these people have good games I'll get to brag that I know everything about sports.

• Geno Atkins
• Reggie Wayne
• AJ Green
• Champ Bailey
• Torrey Smith
• Vince Wilfork
• Alfred Morris
• Charles Woodson
• Danny Woodhead
• Russell Wilson
• Von Miller

The state of the Patriots entering the playoffs:

Let's make out

Although they've reverted a little backwards in the last few weeks, especially against Jacksonville, I like this Patriots defense. I like the mix of rookies with a great work ethic (Dennard, Jones, Francis, Hightower) and these well-respected veteran leaders (Wilfork, Mayo, Gregory, Ninkovich) and adding in those extra special guys like Talib and McCourty at safety. If the Patriots can start the playoffs with a healthy Dennard and Talib at corner, McCourty and Gregory/Chung at safety, linebackers Mayo, Spikes and Hightower, Wilfork and a healthier Ninkovich, Chandler Jones on the D-line...I think they've got a pretty good shot. For the past few years we've been hearing how the Patriots defense is in transition but I think this year is as good as any for them to pull it all together. Plus Gronk needs to win a Superbowl. It's been a boring year without Gronk doing anything too crazy but find me someone who wouldn't love to see how Gronk celebrates a Superbowl win since we know how he celebrates a Superbowl loss:

And then this video for good measure to get us all on a more positive note after talking about last year.

This is the difference between the Patriots and some of the other NFL franchises. How are the Giants, Steelers, Saints and Cowboys at home working on their new Citizens watch and Head & Shoulder's commercials and the Patriots are waiting for the next opponent. With all of the firings on Black Monday, it really should make Patriots fans thankful for Bill and that gorgeous hat he's been wearing.

GO PATRIOTS!!! 

twinsies!!!

Haters Gonna Hate

OK I know the Lakers look terrible right now and I don't really have a right to complain but that hasn't stopped me before so here goes.

Anyone saying that the Clippers have surpassed the Lakers as LA's team needs to be checked into a mental institution. After they make this ridiculous and incredibly false statement, the camera pans to the 16 Laker banners hanging from the rafters at a Clippers "home game". The Clippers are having the first good year they've EVER had and some crackheads are trying to say the people of LA have left one of the best franchises in the history of sports to be a fan of a team that has never won anything? That's an insult to Laker fans. I live in Boston and I can tell you the answer to that question. As they flash the national schedule and I see 3 Laker games on in the next week so let's all just be real about LA's team.

Most awkward tweet of the game so far..

Club Lakers ‏@clublakers

Odom played 40 seconds, shuffles off drenched with sweat and panting.

Also I'm not sure if anyone has noticed but the Clippers entire bench is recycled Lakers. Matt Barnes, Lamar Odom, Ronny Turiaf, Chris Paul (hey he was a Laker for a day). These guys want to be near the Lakers so bad they'll share an arena with them. I always wonder if the Lakers are in their home locker rooms during Clipper "home games" or if they let the Clippers have a little excitement for the night.

Ronny Turiaf is on a whole other level of weird with that goatee and fist pumping dance. Chill bro. And since when does Matt Barnes want to be a shooter? Speaking of Matt Barnes, this is one of my all time FAVORITE Kobe moments:

Kobe activated his twitter account today so I'm going to go back to refreshing his profile waiting for another word from the black mamba...