Decided to start a section dedicated to all the ladies who like sports out there. Because let's be real, it's more fun to watch sports when the guys playing them are easy on the eyes. Starting this segment with the GOAT and the reason why I am a girl who likes sports: Kobe Bryant. (I promise these won't always be Lakers or Patriots players...)
So maybe some women don't like Kobe because of some of his past affairs but there's no denying how beautiful this man is. The most attractive part is his confidence, dare I say SWAG. While all the other weirdos (Westbrook, KD, LeBron) are wearing dinosaur sweaters and fake nerd glasses, Kobe dresses like a real man. There's nothing that gets to me more than a man who can rock a suit like that. Except maybe that jersey bite.....
It's London week for the Patriots and I'm feeling the need to say "Cheers!" to everyone I see this week. Except I do a really bad British accent so I will refrain.
Re: the Jets game and my analysis is half-assed because I watched the end of the 4Q and OT with a sweatshirt over my eyes and my knees tucked to my chest at Gillette but phew, thank god we won. I appreciated the genuine concern from other game attendees asking if I was okay after the game ended. You know what, I am not okay. This secondary is terrible and it's giving me early onset heart failure and a glass half empty outlook that I really don't like. I feel too bad for the front 7 on this team for working their asses off and being one of the top run defenses in the league. If they had even a mediocre secondary this team would be legitimately unstoppable.
Not that I'm enjoying any of these losses but when's the last time the Patriots had to battle so hard in the regular season? I mean let's go back to 2007, undefeated during the regular season then get one good pass rush and lose a game (the Super Bowl . 2008 doesn't count with Brady Quinn's backup. 2009 skate into the playoffs and lose Wes Welker in the most insignificant game probably ever played and have no backup plan. 2010 overthink the Jets and forget to take them seriously as an actual NFL team (can you blame them?). 2011 have a historically bad defense but the Year of Brady and the Gronk plus some key injuries and a lucky missed FG give them a ride to the SB. This year they have had to face a missed FG that would have won the game after playing terrible for 59 minutes, a guy playing on pure heart less than 24 hours after a family tragedy, Optimus Prime sized cornerbacks that they will never see again, and Tim Tebow. The thing I like about this season is they are getting challenged. They are being forced to learn how to adapt and how to finesse these game plans to win games down the road. And it's always the teams that finish hot going into the playoffs that make it far. Here's to hoping that's what 2013 has in store for these guys.
I'm going to need all of these to get me through the season.
Alas, it could be worse. How long did I think it would take for this article to be published? Answer: less than a week and I was right. "Eva Longoria doesn't like losers and other obvious statements" Poor Suckchez. It's okay Eva, cry on Tebow's shoulder. He's a born winner.
How real is the Madden Curse though? That's why I rooted so hard against people voting for Gronk. The last thing we needed was to have to go to Dunkin Donuts every day (is that too much?) and have to punch those cardboard cutouts in the face. Megatron is still having a big season numbers-wise but where are all the TDs? I know a lot of it isn't his fault but still, just throw it up there and he'll catch it, right?
WELL LOOK HERE! Someone up in the heavens has sent me an early Christmas (actually Hanukkah) gift and David Stern is retiring!!!!! Let's celebrate!
So now, in 2012, during basketball offseason, the big story of the day was if Lebron James might play for the Lakers in 2014 when Kobe retires (it was so so painful for me to write those words). First of all, I love how what the Lakers might do in 2 years is the sports news of the day. Because everyone either loves or loves to hate the Lakers. I don't really care at all about this news. Don't think it will ever actually happen nor do I really want it to. I don't want to be forced to root for Lebron. Last year I just wanted the Heat to win to stop hearing so much about Lebron. So I guess I was rooting for Lebron and rooting against Lebron at the same time. Either way I'm hoping more that the Germans will invent some sort of body reconstructive surgery before 2014 so Kobe can keep playing forever.
Speaking of Kobe, I think I've watching this video about 13 times since yesterday and I laugh out loud every time:
I don't know how you don't love this guy, I mean I know there are some people with a stick up their ass that don't like Kobe because of what's happened with #1 GoldDigga Bryant but come on, this is pure gold. He's literally the reason I care anything about sports and I don't want to live in a world where these interviews aren't a part of my life (oh and the championship rings too).
Onto football...I think the reason it's taken me so long to post this week is that I'm still not ready to face the fact that the Patriots are 3-3 coming into Jets week. It happens every year, Patriots aren't playing their best, Jets are too dumb to realize how lame they really are and for just a few minutes that terrible, spoiled New England mindset pops in my head and makes me think how furious I'd be if, on Sunday, the Patriots genuinely lose to the Jets. I remember how it felt in 2010 playoffs and I never want to feel that way again. I think I'd rather lose another SuperBowl to the Giants before I'd lose even a preseason game to the Jets. But it is really hard to root against Tebow......
By the way, is this really the guy that we let beat us last week?
I'm sorry but really? Later in the interview he says the movie he watches the most is Hitch because he likes chick flicks. Really? Can we get Gronk to do some reality show where he mentors other football players, because this guy really needs it.
"That's like when you have a mansion and you're picking on some little crumbs in the corner."-Steve Young on Tom Brady
Look, I know Brady had a bad game. I'll admit it, he'll admit it, maybe even Gisele would admit it. But people polluting the minds of Americans everyone saying that Russell Wilson "walked down the field in 2:00 and beat Tom Brady" is just blasphemy. Does Tom Brady play DB (can he? cause we might need him--I know Bill loves versatility)? Oh and the Seahawks have 6'3" CBs and are the #1 ranked defense in the NFL. We don't even have a receiver at 6'3". And last I checked the Patriots defense was terrible. Let me check again....yep, still terrible. They need to play better. Bill should play this to the DBs this week.
I've said this a gazillion times but how tough is Wes Welker? I swear I thought he might have died on the field Sunday and he pops right up and is in the next play. I don't know how he does it and if I had any money to give, I'd donate it to pay for his salary in a long term contract. Some guys may make pretty plays, but that guy makes the most incredible catches.
As negative as all the Patriots news has been, there are plenty of bright spots such as: Chandler Jones, Vince Wilfork, Rob Ninkovich, Brandon Spikes, Stevan Ridley, Danny Woodhead, Brandon Bolden, the offensive line, the aforementioned Wes Welker...
God, I've missed you:
A few notes from around the league:
I'm okay with the Giants being off to a hot start and everyone thinking they are the best team in the NFL. They always win when they get hot late and into the playoffs so I'm taking that as a good sign for any team that is not the New York Giants.
Did anyone else find it extremely douchey the way Aaron Rodgers "shhhhhh"-ed the critics the other night. Get over yourself, bro. We all saw you whining getting sacked 35 times against the Seahawks a few weeks ago. We all see you with that stupid white turtleneck when it gets just a little cold out. Maybe I'm just used to the Patriot Way of answering questions. What I like better about Brady than Rodgers is Brady would be thinking about the one pass he missed more than the 6 TDs.
This year is really a crazy year in the NFL. The Saints are 1-4, the Packers are struggling, Arizona, Miami, and Minnesota are winning games and all teams in the AFC East are 3-3. It's just weird yet kind of exciting.
Seriously though, what language does Jon Gruden speak? If he isn't someone's drunk-le, will he be mine? Referred to Revis as "Andre Revis" during the game and loves someone new every play. Poor Tirico, no more Jaws to buffer. Why did Jaws leave anyways? To do random SportsCenter segments? I miss the Three Stooges.
In other observations from this week's MNF game, Jeff Cumberland Farms needs to back off with the TD dance. I'm taking that as a clear indication the Jets are already studying for their SuperBowl games against the Patriots and have been seeing a lot of this....
Jets, it's time to be real. The only thing Antonio Cromartie is good at receiving is child support papers. Let him stick to CB since he is the second best in the NFL (sarcasm font).
Top non-negotiable for my future husband is that he cannot--cannot--even tolerate the Jets. It's just a major moral disagreement at the core of my being. Besides my children will never wear the color green when rooting for any sports team.
However, my number one interest on my fictional Match.com profile would be "Patriots season ticket holder". Was lucky enough to attend the Patriots v. Broncos game Sunday and I think the Patriots could really use me as a motivational speaker on the sidelines every week. Just give me a clipboard and a megaphone and you'll see some inspirational football. Adorable older man drinking red wine next to us at the game even forced us to take $20 for being so fun. Hear that, single male Patriots single ticket holders? ;) What isn't fun though is when Call Me Maybe is played in the first quarter of the game during the peak of my drunkness. My input for the suggestion box at Gillette is no more Carly Rae, please, and this is coming from a female. #buzzkill
How much do I love Wes Welker? Enough to name a pet after him is the answer (duh). But seriously he deserves every ounce of it. Whenever the Patriots are desperate for a first down, he's always there. I know that dropped pass in the Superbowl will always be brought up but some of the catches he made Sunday and he makes every Sunday are so underrated. Patriots fans, we are so lucky to watch him play with Tom Brady every week. There's no one I love rooting for more and he's the only person I would lower my 6' and taller rule for. Wes clearly knows how it is...
I wonder how much these NFL players hate wearing the pink hats. Hard to imagine this is reaching too much of the target demographic for breast cancer awareness although at least 10 of Cromartie's baby momma's are watching so that's something.
"Cute little effort by the Jets"-Steve Young 10/8/2012
I also appreciate Kobe giving us an updated timeline for his retirement so I can at least attempt to emotionally prepare.
"It's just that three more years seems like a really long time to continue to stay at a high, high level of training and preparation and health," Bryantsaid. "That's a lot of years. For a guard? That's a lot of years."
Officially I have about 2 years to plan a trip to LA to see Kobe play at Staples and another trip to go to a victory parade. I don't think it will take as long as all the nay-sayers are predicting for "team chemistry". None of these guys are rookies. When I think of all the legit teams in the NBA, none have a front court that comes close to being able to match up well with the Lakers this year. Boshtrich, Perk, Ibaka, KG, Duncan will all get eaten alive by Howard and Gasol (the Olympic version) no matter what trash Shaq says about Brook Lopez being a better center than Howard. He's not Shaq, time to hang it up and go back to saying stupid shit to Barkley instead. Pick on someone your own waist size.
Speaking of front court though, really hoping Jordan Hill does not need surgery for his herniated disc. Back and knee problems are Kryptonite for the men I love. One of the more exciting story lines this Lakers season is the play of the bench and losing Hill would ruin that as he is the most important, energetic player on the bench. I think he has enough in him to make a case for 6th Man of the Year so let's hope a week from now we're getting good news.
Thinking of starting a Six Pack Saturday post--stay tuned, ladies!
Ugh what's a girl got to do to find a tall, tattooed man to watch Monday Night Football with in bed with a glass of wine?
Back to reality, Patriots gave the Bills a beat down yesterday and Lakers training camp opened today so that is good enough for me. I'm a sucker for highlights when I already know the outcome so it's a good week when I can watch SportsCenter and not hear about the dynasty collapsing. This week was an exciting one in the NFL and I only say that because the Patriots won.
I'm not buying Houston or Atlanta as anything more than a seat filler. The view is pretty good for a while but eventually you've gotta get up and get out of the way so the real guys can sit down. Thanks for warming our seat. Plus no one named Matt has ever won a SuperBowl. Fun to watch throughout the season but I just don't think either team has exactly what it takes. But if Arian Foster wants to break that 5 year contract and come on over to New England....everyone knows how I feel about tall, tattooed men.
I was going to save the good stuff till the end but I'm not Tebow so here's a few thoughts on the Jets. Anyone else think Santonio faked that injury and threw the ball to the 49ers so he wouldn't have to carry any of the blame for the declining SuperBowl champs of 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012? Sure looked like it to me. I never root for injuries but I think the Revis injury is standard you don't know what you have until it's gone. The Jets are the boyfriend that breaks up with you and then 2 weeks later drunk dials you saying how much he misses you and wants you back. Jets didn't want to give him more money and I'm sure Revis has gotten a few drunk dials from Sexy Rexy already. Although maybe not since Antonio Cromartie is clearly the 2nd best CB in the NFL. PS: I had week 4 in the "Start Tebow!!!" pool and I'm expecting a check in the mail. Eva Longoria should also start thinking about ditching Sanchez for Tebow at this point.
Another thing...watching Monday Night Countdown and the all-knowing Keyshawn Johnson is rambling on about how the Jets have no names on offense and how you can't blame Sanchez for that. Well no, but that doesn't mean he isn't a shitty quarterback. Oh, I'm sorry, name me all the All-Pro's and first ballot Hall of Famers on the 2001 Patriots SuperBowl roster. Mark Sanchez sucks, do we all know that now? In this world there are Tom Brady's and Mark Sanchez'zzzz; I know which one I am. Keyshawn go back to hating on the Patriots while playing dreidel with a football for 12 hours a day.
I really couldn't get into hispanic heritage month without my babe Aaron Hernandez, as much as I tried. Sanchez really wasn't helping things, NFL. Hoping to hear some good news this week since it's now October 1 and he is supposed to be back "October at the earliest" but don't want any rushing back. The Patriots offense of the second half yesterday + a healthy Aaron would be scary in a good way.
Speaking of scary in a good way, how fun was it seeing this today?
I think Kobe might ask Metta to elbow some more guys to win the championship this year. The man is hungry and the only 2 people hungrier for a championship this year are Dwight Howard and Steve Nash (PS they are both in that picture). Don't mind if I do get a little excited about this Lakers team.
Really though my karaoke version of the Faith Hill Sunday Night Football theme is pretty legendary. Faith, don't quit your day job.....
