Tuesday, October 9, 2012

jon gruden deserves an emmy for best comedic performance

Seriously though, what language does Jon Gruden speak? If he isn't someone's drunk-le, will he be mine? Referred to Revis as "Andre Revis" during the game and loves someone new every play. Poor Tirico, no more Jaws to buffer. Why did Jaws leave anyways? To do random SportsCenter segments? I miss the Three Stooges.

In other observations from this week's MNF game, Jeff Cumberland Farms needs to back off with the TD dance. I'm taking that as a clear indication the Jets are already studying for their SuperBowl games against the Patriots and have been seeing a lot of this....


Jets, it's time to be real. The only thing Antonio Cromartie is good at receiving is child support papers. Let him stick to CB since he is the second best in the NFL (sarcasm font). 

Top non-negotiable for my future husband is that he cannot--cannot--even tolerate the Jets. It's just a major moral disagreement at the core of my being. Besides my children will never wear the color green when rooting for any sports team. 

However, my number one interest on my fictional Match.com profile would be "Patriots season ticket holder". Was lucky enough to attend the Patriots v. Broncos game Sunday and I think the Patriots could really use me as a motivational speaker on the sidelines every week. Just give me a clipboard and a megaphone and you'll see some inspirational football. Adorable older man drinking red wine next to us at the game even forced us to take $20 for being so fun. Hear that, single male Patriots single ticket holders? ;) What isn't fun though is when Call Me Maybe is played in the first quarter of the game during the peak of my drunkness. My input for the suggestion box at Gillette is no more Carly Rae, please, and this is coming from a female. #buzzkill

How much do I love Wes Welker? Enough to name a pet after him is the answer (duh). But seriously he deserves every ounce of it. Whenever the Patriots are desperate for a first down, he's always there. I know that dropped pass in the Superbowl will always be brought up but some of the catches he made Sunday and he makes every Sunday are so underrated. Patriots fans, we are so lucky to watch him play with Tom Brady every week. There's no one I love rooting for more and he's the only person I would lower my 6' and taller rule for. Wes clearly knows how it is...


I wonder how much these NFL players hate wearing the pink hats. Hard to imagine this is reaching too much of the target demographic for breast cancer awareness although at least 10 of Cromartie's baby momma's are watching so that's something.

"Cute little effort by the Jets"-Steve Young 10/8/2012

I also appreciate Kobe giving us an updated timeline for his retirement so I can at least attempt to emotionally prepare. 

"It's just that three more years seems like a really long time to continue to stay at a high, high level of training and preparation and health," Bryant said. "That's a lot of years. For a guard? That's a lot of years."

Officially I have about 2 years to plan a trip to LA to see Kobe play at Staples and another trip to go to a victory parade. I don't think it will take as long as all the nay-sayers are predicting for "team chemistry". None of these guys are rookies. When I think of all the legit teams in the NBA, none have a front court that comes close to being able to match up well with the Lakers this year. Boshtrich, Perk, Ibaka, KG, Duncan will all get eaten alive by Howard and Gasol (the Olympic version) no matter what trash Shaq says about Brook Lopez being a better center than Howard. He's not Shaq, time to hang it up and go back to saying stupid shit to Barkley instead. Pick on someone your own waist size.  

Speaking of front court though, really hoping Jordan Hill does not need surgery for his herniated disc. Back and knee problems are Kryptonite for the men I love. One of the more exciting story lines this Lakers season is the play of the bench and losing Hill would ruin that as he is the most important, energetic player on the bench. I think he has enough in him to make a case for 6th Man of the Year so let's hope a week from now we're getting good news. 

Thinking of starting a Six Pack Saturday post--stay tuned, ladies!


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