Six Pack Sunday #7: AP, AD, MVP, whatever you want to call him

OK ladies, some of these guys I've been identifying are under the radar bachelors but this week I thought I'd make sure everyone, male and female, was aware of the greatness that is Adrian Peterson before the NFL season is over.

Sure he may break the single season rushing record with 208 yards today in week 17 but he also may break a million hearts all over the world with this smile.

For anyone not too familiar with Adrian Peterson (or A.D. "All Day", A.P, or as I like to call him this year, MVP), he is going to go down as one of the NFL's best running backs. And that smile is really beautiful when you consider some of the hardships that AP has suffered. At 7, Peterson watched as his older brother and best friend was killed by a drunk driver. He then turned to his father (who gave him the nickname "all day") and focused all his energy on football. When he was 13, Peterson's father was sentenced to 10 years in prison on charges of money laundering in a crack cocaine ring. And then, the night before the Heisman trophy's runner up worked out for all 32 NFL teams at the Combine, his 19 year old half-brother was shot and killed. If you want to get a better look at his story, check out this E:60 piece with another girl who likes sports, Rachel Nichols.

Usually this post is all about the man meat and while Adrian Peterson is definitely that, what makes him even hotter is what he has overcome to get here. On Christmas Eve 2011, Peterson was helped off the field with a torn ACL and MCL. I don't think there was a single football fan in America that wasn't torn up a little watching such a great player get hurt like that. Peterson is fun to watch (and fun to look at). So when Peterson was back in the starting lineup week 1, 8 months after major ligament damage and reconstructive surgery on his knee, people started to wonder if AP was human. Usually players coming back from such a major surgery take a long time to return to form, especially at the runningback position, but Adrian Peterson is no usual player. Also--just a minute to mention Wes Welker who is also extremely non human and recovered in a similar amount of time--did you really think I wouldn't mention him here?

Peterson has arguably had his best season and would get my vote for Comeback Player of the Year and more importantly MVP. If you take Adrian Peterson off of the Vikings, I'm not sure they win a game. That's what MVP is all about. The award isn't best player in the NFL but most VALUABLE player and to me and many other NFL fans, Peterson is definitely the most worthy candidate.

Many attribute genetics to Peterson's quick recovery but I will also like to praise his genetics for this:

Thank god Peterson didn't damage any ab ligaments. 

As today's game approaches, I'm really rooting for him to break the rushing record so that beautiful six pack will be in the history books forever.

Also if there's anything I can do so that my New Years looks like this, let me know.

Six Pack Sunday #6: A Surprise

This Six Pack Sunday is dedicated to all of the older ladies who like sports. Today's honoree definitely has a six pack though I have no desire to every actually see it: Ed Hochuli. I have to admit I was struggling to choose today's pick but about 2 minutes into the SNF game, I had an epiphany.

After the replacement ref fiasco earlier in the season, I was on Team Hochuli. How could you not be...he's a premiere athlete, successful lawyer and ultimate professional. But the quality most of us love most is his eloquent and beautifully crafted explanations. If you are not a well versed football fan, watch this.

Hey listen, if you don't understand the overtime rules completely after that I don't know what's wrong with you. While tonight's Patriots Niners game has been an atrocious display of Ed Hochuli's officiating skills, it might have a little to do with the fact that he's been forced to cancel the gun show that is normally displayed in all the big moments.

I mean come on look at those bad boys. Favorite gem of the night occurred in the 25 minute debate of the Ted Ginn Jr. where Hochuli articulately explained what happened "back there". Also, is he high or have his eyes just been closed this whole game? Must explain the numerous missed calls including the interference calls not made on Wes before that pick by Rogers as well as the PI in the end zone on Branch. I'll stop whining now and let you enjoy this Ed Hochuli themed drinking game for the rest of SNF.

All I Want for Christmas is for the Lakers to Stop Sucking

On the bright side, there's only way to go from here. The Lakers cannot get any worse. The thing that's pissing me off the most though is these fuckers are wasting Kobe's glory years. He could be the Tom Brady of basketball if Dwight Howard could make a free throw and anyone actually gave a shit. Whatever happens to this team you better believe Kobe Bryant is not going to go out without a fight.

I know I'm biased but I'm pretty sick of Hack-a-Dwight or whatever you losers want to call it. Some people actually want to watch a basketball game and not drunk people waving around balloons the whole game. I get it, if Dwight made the FT's no one would do it but it's stupid. It's basically admitting the only way to stop Dwight Howard is to physically restrain him and while I like that notion, I just want to see them play. And I know that us Laker fans are not supposed to use the whole "we don't have a starting or backup PG" argument but we don't. Not to mention that PG is Steve Nash, one of the best point guards in the NBA, even at 65 or however old he is. AND they're missing Pau Gasol who has obviously been injured (sure wish we could trade that silver medal Pau). Without those 2 key pieces on this roster, there's no way the Lakers are going to look like the Lakers. Don't get me wrong, they have looked bored and also terrible but it's frustrating that injuries have to be a part of it.

Alas, there's always the Patriots.

I keep hearing the story line about the Patriots killing the Jets 45-3 on MNF then losing to them in the playoffs and is that going to happen again blah blah nonsense. We know the Texans still would have Arian Foster and Andre Johnson and that it was a tough game to win despite the score. The Patriots prepared and put in 100% effort and that's exactly what happens when this group of guys does that. The thing that makes me feel less concerned about the Texans is yes, now they have a whole tape of what the Patriots did to them but we're also working without perhaps the best tight end/red zone target in the NFL. The game plan is different with Gronk in the game and that's when the Patriots really get to do what they want (which is scary for the rest of the NFL).

Another tough week coming up for the Patriots, who will take on the 49ers at Gillette Stadium for Sunday Night Football. I fully intend on getting pumped up for this game by aggressively doing my karaoke version of the Faith Hill SNF theme in front of the TV. I'll let everyone take a second to enjoy that visual.

This game scares me based on how physical San Francisco is and I honestly cannot handle any more injuries this season. I hope the Patriots can show up and out-physical the 49ers and put on the type of performance they did last week. The key, in my opinion, will be stopping Kaepernick and preventing him from getting those big runs. There's nothing I love more than a man covered in tattoos but that is one man in tattoos I do not want to see in the end zone. Let's hope the defense can be as physical and dominating as they were against the Texans because if they aren't, they aren't going to win.

Oh and for those who were wondering, this is indeed me in the NFL mobile commercial:

It's refreshing to think that somewhere out there, there are more girls who like sports that wear dresses and eat ice cream on the couch with their cats... 

Six Pack Sunday #5: Christian Ponder

This prestigious award can go to a player in any sport but with this being football season and the Lakers not being on national TV so much, I'll focus on the NFL. My heart only allows one purple and gold team, but this week's Six Pack Sunday looks pretty good in those colors on the football field. Despite their loss today to the Packers, the Vikings have to be thankful for at least one thing:

Christian Ponder, QB for the Minnesota Vikings, can be seen above with the adorable dimples and chiseled abs. He's 24, 6'2" and from Texas so in my book he's a pretty great catch.

Sometimes girls judge guys based on how pretty their ex girlfriend is and if you do this with Christian Ponder, I think most women would agree with me on this Six Pack Sunday. Here's a picture of his current girlfriend, ESPN reporter (definitely a girl who likes sports) Samantha Steele

Just your typical all American, blonde haired beauty with a great tan. But if Samantha looked back at Ponder's previous girlfriend, Kacie McDonnell, I think even she would be a little nervous.

Here's them on a beach somewhere with a personal favorite photo of Ponder...YUM.

So there's definitely something these hot girls see in Christian Ponder, and I understand. How can you not love a man who love puppies?

Sorry for your loss, Vikings, but if I were a fan, looking at this man would certainly help ease the pain.

Six Pack Sun(Mon)day #4: Cecil Shorts

Okay forgive me for posting this on a Monday, must have been all the tryptophan in my system.

But even before Thursday's games I knew who I wanted to put as this week's Six Pack Sunday. There's a note saved in my iPhone with his name. And it is a great name. This week I'm giving all my attention to Cecil Shorts.

If this is your first time hearing of this guy, you're missing out. As you can see by, I don't know, his face...he's pretty hot. And just this week as I obviously planned, he had 4 catches for 105 yards and a TD. His name may be a little strange but he's fast and I hope he does well (just never against the Patriots). He just barely meets my 6' and taller rule so I'm sold. In case you need a little more persuasion, check out this video below of Cecil working out (ignore the other non muscle-y guys). 

In a Gronkpression

So I've officially been in what I like to call a Gronkpression for 2 full days now. I read one quote from Tedy Bruschi saying Vrabel missed 2 games with the same injury and now that's the only opinion I care to remember. Fuck the 4-8 weeks, we'll see you on Dec 10th, right Gronk? PLEASE?

Everyone needs to relax on blaming Belichick for leaving Gronk in the game because he was injured on a PAT (has that ever happened before?). Belichick may not be the most charismatic NFL personality but this is one of his more insightful analysis' of the situation:

“You only have so many players. You only dress so many players,” he said on WEEI Radio’s “Big Show.” ”Somebody’s got to play. I think you’ve got to be careful when you’re trying to run a team, to go up to one guy and say, ‘Michael, we’re going to leave you in the game because we care about you, but Glenn, we’re going to take you out because you’re really important. You other guys go in there because if something happens to you, we don’t really care.’

“Again, I think football players play football. I don’t know how — you tell me which guy is going to get hurt and I’ll get him out of there. I don’t know how you do that.”

This is exactly why the Patriots are the Patriots and not any other team in the NFL that doesn't win. Everyone keeps saying "Oh is Belichick's style hurting his players?" By hurting his players, do they mean winning? If I'm not mistaken Belichick is 116-45 with the Patriots and if you dare to bring up the 2 Super Bowls lost you are a terrible person. I do love the end of this quote though like can we trade for Tebow so he can tell us which players are going to get hurt and then he could heal them?

They did make the MNF crew discuss the Patriots "running up the score" and putting Gronk in the game late and of course, President of the I Hate the Patriots Fan Club, Cris Carter, had something to say. It's time to stop sipping your haterade Cris Carter and just accept the fact that the Patriots are good. Even Keyshawn was fighting against you. As Katt Williams would say...

But in my real world analysis of Gronk's injury, here's my theory. I remember distinctly watching the week 2 game against Arizona and after Aaron got hurt, they couldn't get anything going on offense. Besides the fact that the offensive line was atrocious, it seemed like the game plan was so obviously focused around Aaron that McDaniels and Belichick didn't have the playbook handy that had any other plays. I went to 2 of the practice sessions over the summer and noticed a heavy focus on featuring Aaron as the main offensive weapon, "matchup nightmare" if you will, this season. It looked like Tom and Aaron we're having sleepovers and working on some male bonding so that he'd be the best weapon on the team (taking a mental break to imagine this scenario in my head). What I'm getting to here is that there must be an entire playbook that runs the offense around Aaron. I know most of those plays probably involve Gronk since he had played 93% of offensive snaps all year but that's the reason we've signed 29 tight ends. I know it's impossible to replace Gronk and there's no way Shaincoe can bulk up like 50 lbs in time for Thursday but he's going to really have to step up if the Patriots have any chance of winning. It would also be nice if we could have Lloyd round into form and start catching some 40+ yard bombs that we've grown accustomed to seeing on the first drive of every game from the other team. 

In other news, just heard that the Patriots offensive line got some type of award for their week 11 performance. Ladies and gentlemen, I think it's time to start thinking about Dante Scarnecchia for league MVP. In a game where the Patriots are without Logan Mankins and Dan Connolly you would never guess they'd win any type of award let alone keep Tom Brady on his feet all day. I know Philly and Chicago fans would trade head coaches for an offensive line coach as good as Dante Scarnecchia.

Last week I wrote about Danny Woodhead's performance and this week I want to point out Rob Ninkovich. BTW I just Wikipedia'd him and who would have ever guessed he was of Croatian descent? The man has 6 sacks and 5 forced fumbles in 10 games this season. For everyone saying the Patriots don't have any pass rushers, look no further than Jet Killer Rob Ninkovich. He might not be Demarcus Ware or Aldon Smith but he is a playmaker. Another Patriot success story of a 5th round draft pick who floated around on practice squads and released by many teams who finally finds a home here in New England. It's cause to Bill, all players are equally important and everyone gets a chance. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll get to write about Talib and how great he is (fingers crossed). Mixed feelings on his first performance as a Patriot but since we hadn't seen a pick 6 in an eternity, I'll let him pass this week. 

Love Kraft sitting next to Henry Kissinger at this week's game. One week it's Steven Tyler, Bon Jovi, then Henry Kissinger. Some owners have people wiping their glasses, other owners have Nobel Peace Prize winners. 

Six Pack Sunday #3: Danny AMENdola

This week I've got the luxury of watching the 1pm Jets Rams game (CBS you couldn't have found one game better than this??) Actually, I take that back. It's kind of nice to get to watch the Jets for a full game instead of just getting to see the lowlights on SportsCenter all week.

But this Six Pack Sunday is not about the Jets. Honestly I'm not sure there is actually one Jet I could feature anyway since mostly things like this come out of the Jets locker room:

Okay seriously this week's Six Pack Sunday is devoted to Danny AMENdola. Now you know my heart belongs with another under 6" undrafted Texas Tech Red Raider wide receiver/returner but I have to admit, this guy is not only pretty good but also pretty. 

I guess I have a thing for underdogs in pro sports because it seems like these guys are nicer and I'm basing this completely on physical appearance. Although he doesn't follow my strict 6" and taller rule, the scruff and charming smile makes me reconsider (Wes you are still my #1). 

The similarities between Danny and Wes, besides their short stature and boyish good looks, are extensive. Apart from their football background which I just mentioned, both guys are premiere slot receivers, can return punts/kicks, and have a really high football IQ. Neither guy wants to be a celebrity more than he'd rather be a great NFL player and that is a part of what makes them both so attractive. Another thing I find attractive about Danny Amendola is this look. AMENdola it is.

But the biggest turn on for me is how tough these guys are. You might think that being under 6" and under 200 lbs might be make them frequently on the sideline or easy to break but it's hard for me to even name any player as tough as Danny Amendola and Wes Welker. This year, Amendola broke his collarbone and was expected to be out 6-8 weeks but miraculously was back in the game in less than a month (again similar to Wes Welker who tore his ACL at the end of the 2009-2010 season and was back for training camp the next year, never missing a beat). You'll never hear either of these guys complain and there's nothing hotter than that. Except maybe this, an actual six pack sighting on Six Pack Sunday. Enjoy, ladies (and guys...take notes)

I never want to be a "Gruden Grinder"

I think my heart rate is finally low enough for me to be able to think about this week of football. Every week I look forward to watching what the Evil Empire will come up with on offense and who is going to have a big day (usually it's Wes). This week we got to see a lot of Danny O'Woodhead. I love that little nugget. Seems like this is what the Patriots are best at, plucking undrafted agents from the rugby team (no really, we did that this year) and making them into your kid's favorite player. How do you hate players like Danny Woodhead? He's a perfect Patriot. Overlooked, hardworking, team player, does what they ask and succeeds. Which is exactly why the Jets let him go. Too quiet, intelligent and far too lovable. Rex hates guys like that.

I think it took about 3 offensive snaps Sunday to get my fix of watching Wes get slaughtered. Like, can't we send an extra offensive lineman out there to block him so that doesn't happen anymore? I don't think it would  be a Patriots game without me having to ask someone if he's alive at least once.

Anyone else think they've got the replacement TV programmers working this year? I feel like we've heard every random "yo mama" and "fuck you bitches" that's been said this year.

Something else we saw this week that was not really meant for children was this:

Poor Eric Frampton but more importantly, poor everyone who saw that. Not the first time we've seen an asshole in a Dallas Cowboys uniform.

Things I don't look forward to seeing from the Patriots every week: defense. It had been going okay, and I realize as I say this that they had been on a bye last week. They had not been embarrassing in that game in London so I think it gave us all a little hope. I'll say it again, I don't care if Aqib Talib kills kittens, if the guy can play corner I want him on my team. They were atrocious this week. I think my dog could tackle Fred Jackson better than the Patriots defense did on Sunday. When the Bills were in the red zone with like :43 seconds left in the game I really believed it was over. I'd seen the movie before and every time so far, it's ended with a loser QB throwing to a wide open receiver in the end zone for the win. This time it wasn't and that's about it. Not sure how a team can flirt with the record of the most penalty yards in a game and still have the chance to win the game? I'm just glad they are closing these games with a win even if it is as uglier than Honey Boo Boo's mom. 

Oh, and a Harvard kid calls someone a "punk"? Is anyone surprised? By the way, that's exactly what I want people calling a linebacker on my team. I don't want Fitzpatrick saying post game "You know, that Brandon Spikes is such a sweetheart!" That's what he's paid to do, be a punk. I'm really glad to have him and I think he has the opportunity to be a Rodney Harrison-type Patriot. 

Just when you think everything is falling apart in the NFL, the teams that are normally good come to the forefront...

I need a few more hours to process my basketball thoughts. It's been a few normal, crazy days here in Laker 

Land. The Lakers are the only team anyone is talking about in the NBA....

Six Pack Sunday #2: Arian Foster

I know this is late but for all you party animals out there still up watching tonight's Sunday Night Football game, Six Pack Sunday is here for you.

Tonight's honoree is Arian Foster, running back for the Houston Texans. Everyone knows how I feel about men with tattoos but he's definitely one of my faves. He seems like the perfect blend of swag and romance if that makes sense to anyone else but me. I wish there were more like him. How can you not love a man that can be as funny as this:

yet as in touch with his emotions as this?:

Did I mention he's also smart (ff to 5:43):

OK last one (I feel you, ladies!!)

ENJOY!

#BelichickForPresident

The past week was election week, so I've been spending a lot of time thinking what life would be like if Bill Belichick was president...and to be honest, I don't think it's actually a bad idea. There's no way any other country would know any American secrets and I don't think anyone would actually try and fuck with us. I mean, who cares if the guy can't figure out how to set the clock in his car, he can win football games. I'm assuming Brady would be VP so that's even better.

Seriously though, I don't want to talk politics but what's hotter than a President who knows football? Hearing Obama talk about Charles Tillman for Defensive POY was such a turn on.

It's been so long since the Patriots played a game I've almost gone into hibernation. I haven't seen Wes Welker get beheaded in what feels like a year. But a lot sure has happened. Baby Hernandez was born and it's still a little fresh. I had been pushing it out of my mind but I guess it really was true. Whatever,  I'll make a great stepmom...I've seen the movie enough times.

Lamar called himself a Laker. Hey, am I surprised? No. I imagine he spends many cold nights in the corner of Khloe's huge closet wiping his tears away with his old Laker jersey eating Twizzlers. Love you Lam Lam.

Lakers fired Mike Brown. I didn't like him as the head coach in the first place so I can't really say I'm too upset about it but if Phil Jackson comes back I literally might believe in God. I have a thing for Hall of Fame head coaches, OK? I think Phil Jackson coming back to the Lakers would cure all of my problems. Kobe needs to go out on top, and it has to happen now. If Phil loves Kobe nearly half as much as I do, he would come back just to finish the legacy. Come on Jeanie, just hold out for a few days and tell Phil he's not getting any until he signs the deal. Although he is the Zen Master so I'm not sure how great that plan is.

Let's hope things are better in Laker Land before Feb 7th...

Six Pack Sunday

Decided to start a section dedicated to all the ladies who like sports out there. Because let's be real, it's more fun to watch sports when the guys playing them are easy on the eyes. Starting this segment with the GOAT and the reason why I am a girl who likes sports: Kobe Bryant. (I promise these won't always be Lakers or Patriots players...)

So maybe some women don't like Kobe because of some of his past affairs but there's no denying how beautiful this man is. The most attractive part is his confidence, dare I say SWAG. While all the other weirdos (Westbrook, KD, LeBron) are wearing dinosaur sweaters and fake nerd glasses, Kobe dresses like a real man. There's nothing that gets to me more than a man who can rock a suit like that. Except maybe that jersey bite.....

"you sound like you're from lon-don"

It's London week for the Patriots and I'm feeling the need to say "Cheers!" to everyone I see this week. Except I do a really bad British accent so I will refrain.

Re: the Jets game and my analysis is half-assed because I watched the end of the 4Q and OT with a sweatshirt over my eyes and my knees tucked to my chest at Gillette but phew, thank god we won. I appreciated the genuine concern from other game attendees asking if I was okay after the game ended. You know what, I am not okay. This secondary is terrible and it's giving me early onset heart failure and a glass half empty outlook that I really don't like. I feel too bad for the front 7 on this team for working their asses off and being one of the top run defenses in the league. If they had even a mediocre secondary this team would be legitimately unstoppable.

Not that I'm enjoying any of these losses but when's the last time the Patriots had to battle so hard in the regular season? I mean let's go back to 2007, undefeated during the regular season then get one good pass rush and lose a game (the Super Bowl . 2008 doesn't count with Brady Quinn's backup. 2009 skate into the playoffs and lose Wes Welker in the most insignificant game probably ever played and have no backup plan. 2010 overthink the Jets and forget to take them seriously as an actual NFL team (can you blame them?). 2011 have a historically bad defense but the Year of Brady and the Gronk plus some key injuries and a lucky missed FG give them a ride to the SB. This year they have had to face a missed FG that would have won the game after playing terrible for 59 minutes, a guy playing on pure heart less than 24 hours after a family tragedy, Optimus Prime sized cornerbacks that they will never see again, and Tim Tebow. The thing I like about this season is they are getting challenged. They are being forced to learn how to adapt and how to finesse these game plans to win games down the road. And it's always the teams that finish hot going into the playoffs that make it far. Here's to hoping that's what 2013 has in store for these guys.

 I'm going to need all of these to get me through the season.

Alas, it could be worse. How long did I think it would take for this article to be published? Answer: less than a week and I was right. "Eva Longoria doesn't like losers and other obvious statements" Poor Suckchez. It's okay Eva, cry on Tebow's shoulder. He's a born winner.

How real is the Madden Curse though? That's why I rooted so hard against people voting for Gronk. The last thing we needed was to have to go to Dunkin Donuts every day (is that too much?) and have to punch those cardboard cutouts in the face. Megatron is still having a big season numbers-wise but where are all the TDs? I know a lot of it isn't his fault but still, just throw it up there and he'll catch it, right?

WELL LOOK HERE! Someone up in the heavens has sent me an early Christmas (actually Hanukkah) gift and David Stern is retiring!!!!! Let's celebrate!

LeBron to the LaKers?

So now, in 2012, during basketball offseason, the big story of the day was if Lebron James might play for the Lakers in 2014 when Kobe retires (it was so so painful for me to write those words). First of all, I love how what the Lakers might do in 2 years is the sports news of the day. Because everyone either loves or loves to hate the Lakers. I don't really care at all about this news. Don't think it will ever actually happen nor do I really want it to. I don't want to be forced to root for Lebron. Last year I just wanted the Heat to win to stop hearing so much about Lebron. So I guess I was rooting for Lebron and rooting against Lebron at the same time. Either way I'm hoping more that the Germans will invent some sort of body reconstructive surgery before 2014 so Kobe can keep playing forever.

Speaking of Kobe, I think I've watching this video about 13 times since yesterday and I laugh out loud every time:

I don't know how you don't love this guy, I mean I know there are some people with a stick up their ass that don't like Kobe because of what's happened with #1 GoldDigga Bryant but come on, this is pure gold. He's literally the reason I care anything about sports and I don't want to live in a world where these interviews aren't a part of my life (oh and the championship rings too).

Onto football...I think the reason it's taken me so long to post this week is that I'm still not ready to face the fact that the Patriots are 3-3 coming into Jets week. It happens every year, Patriots aren't playing their best, Jets are too dumb to realize how lame they really are and for just a few minutes that terrible, spoiled New England mindset pops in my head and makes me think how furious I'd be if, on Sunday, the Patriots genuinely lose to the Jets. I remember how it felt in 2010 playoffs and I never want to feel that way again. I think I'd rather lose another SuperBowl to the Giants before I'd lose even a preseason game to the Jets. But it is really hard to root against Tebow......

By the way, is this really the guy that we let beat us last week?

I'm sorry but really? Later in the interview he says the movie he watches the most is Hitch because he likes chick flicks. Really? Can we get Gronk to do some reality show where he mentors other football players, because this guy really needs it.

"That's like when you have a mansion and you're picking on some little crumbs in the corner."-Steve Young on Tom Brady

Look, I know Brady had a bad game. I'll admit it, he'll admit it, maybe even Gisele would admit it. But people polluting the minds of Americans everyone saying that Russell Wilson "walked down the field in 2:00 and beat Tom Brady" is just blasphemy. Does Tom Brady play DB (can he? cause we might need him--I know Bill loves versatility)? Oh and the Seahawks have 6'3" CBs and are the #1 ranked defense in the NFL. We don't even have a receiver at 6'3". And last I checked the Patriots defense was terrible. Let me check again....yep, still terrible.  They need to play better. Bill should play this to the DBs this week.

I've said this a gazillion times but how tough is Wes Welker? I swear I thought he might have died on the field Sunday and he pops right up and is in the next play. I don't know how he does it and if I had any money to give, I'd donate it to pay for his salary in a long term contract. Some guys may make pretty plays, but that guy makes the most incredible catches.

As negative as all the Patriots news has been, there are plenty of bright spots such as: Chandler Jones, Vince Wilfork, Rob Ninkovich, Brandon Spikes, Stevan Ridley, Danny Woodhead, Brandon Bolden, the offensive line, the aforementioned Wes Welker...

God, I've missed you:

A few notes from around the league:

I'm okay with the Giants being off to a hot start and everyone thinking they are the best team in the NFL. They always win when they get hot late and into the playoffs so I'm taking that as a good sign for any team that is not the New York Giants.

Did anyone else find it extremely douchey the way Aaron Rodgers "shhhhhh"-ed the critics the other night. Get over yourself, bro. We all saw you whining getting sacked 35 times against the Seahawks a few weeks ago. We all see you with that stupid white turtleneck when it gets just a little cold out. Maybe I'm just used to the Patriot Way of answering questions. What I like better about Brady than Rodgers is Brady would be thinking about the one pass he missed more than the 6 TDs.

This year is really a crazy year in the NFL. The Saints are 1-4, the Packers are struggling, Arizona, Miami, and Minnesota are winning games and all teams in the AFC East are 3-3. It's just weird yet kind of exciting.

Until next time bitches...

jon gruden deserves an emmy for best comedic performance

Seriously though, what language does Jon Gruden speak? If he isn't someone's drunk-le, will he be mine? Referred to Revis as "Andre Revis" during the game and loves someone new every play. Poor Tirico, no more Jaws to buffer. Why did Jaws leave anyways? To do random SportsCenter segments? I miss the Three Stooges.

In other observations from this week's MNF game, Jeff Cumberland Farms needs to back off with the TD dance. I'm taking that as a clear indication the Jets are already studying for their SuperBowl games against the Patriots and have been seeing a lot of this....

Jets, it's time to be real. The only thing Antonio Cromartie is good at receiving is child support papers. Let him stick to CB since he is the second best in the NFL (sarcasm font). 

Top non-negotiable for my future husband is that he cannot--cannot--even tolerate the Jets. It's just a major moral disagreement at the core of my being. Besides my children will never wear the color green when rooting for any sports team. 

However, my number one interest on my fictional Match.com profile would be "Patriots season ticket holder". Was lucky enough to attend the Patriots v. Broncos game Sunday and I think the Patriots could really use me as a motivational speaker on the sidelines every week. Just give me a clipboard and a megaphone and you'll see some inspirational football. Adorable older man drinking red wine next to us at the game even forced us to take $20 for being so fun. Hear that, single male Patriots single ticket holders? ;) What isn't fun though is when Call Me Maybe is played in the first quarter of the game during the peak of my drunkness. My input for the suggestion box at Gillette is no more Carly Rae, please, and this is coming from a female. #buzzkill

How much do I love Wes Welker? Enough to name a pet after him is the answer (duh). But seriously he deserves every ounce of it. Whenever the Patriots are desperate for a first down, he's always there. I know that dropped pass in the Superbowl will always be brought up but some of the catches he made Sunday and he makes every Sunday are so underrated. Patriots fans, we are so lucky to watch him play with Tom Brady every week. There's no one I love rooting for more and he's the only person I would lower my 6' and taller rule for. Wes clearly knows how it is...

I wonder how much these NFL players hate wearing the pink hats. Hard to imagine this is reaching too much of the target demographic for breast cancer awareness although at least 10 of Cromartie's baby momma's are watching so that's something.

"Cute little effort by the Jets"-Steve Young 10/8/2012

I also appreciate Kobe giving us an updated timeline for his retirement so I can at least attempt to emotionally prepare. 

"It's just that three more years seems like a really long time to continue to stay at a high, high level of training and preparation and health," Bryant said. "That's a lot of years. For a guard? That's a lot of years."

Officially I have about 2 years to plan a trip to LA to see Kobe play at Staples and another trip to go to a victory parade. I don't think it will take as long as all the nay-sayers are predicting for "team chemistry". None of these guys are rookies. When I think of all the legit teams in the NBA, none have a front court that comes close to being able to match up well with the Lakers this year. Boshtrich, Perk, Ibaka, KG, Duncan will all get eaten alive by Howard and Gasol (the Olympic version) no matter what trash Shaq says about Brook Lopez being a better center than Howard. He's not Shaq, time to hang it up and go back to saying stupid shit to Barkley instead. Pick on someone your own waist size.  

Speaking of front court though, really hoping Jordan Hill does not need surgery for his herniated disc. Back and knee problems are Kryptonite for the men I love. One of the more exciting story lines this Lakers season is the play of the bench and losing Hill would ruin that as he is the most important, energetic player on the bench. I think he has enough in him to make a case for 6th Man of the Year so let's hope a week from now we're getting good news. 

Thinking of starting a Six Pack Saturday post--stay tuned, ladies!

my faith hill sunday night football impression is better than yours

Ugh what's a girl got to do to find a tall, tattooed man to watch Monday Night Football with in bed with a glass of wine?

Back to reality, Patriots gave the Bills a beat down yesterday and Lakers training camp opened today so that is good enough for me. I'm a sucker for highlights when I already know the outcome so it's a good week when I can watch SportsCenter and not hear about the dynasty collapsing. This week was an exciting one in the NFL and I only say that because the Patriots won.

I'm not buying Houston or Atlanta as anything more than a seat filler. The view is pretty good for a while but eventually you've gotta get up and get out of the way so the real guys can sit down. Thanks for warming our seat. Plus no one named Matt has ever won a SuperBowl. Fun to watch throughout the season but I just don't think either team has exactly what it takes. But if Arian Foster wants to break that 5 year contract and come on over to New England....everyone knows how I feel about tall, tattooed men.

I was going to save the good stuff till the end but I'm not Tebow so here's a few thoughts on the Jets. Anyone else think Santonio faked that injury and threw the ball to the 49ers so he wouldn't have to carry any of the blame for the declining SuperBowl champs of 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012? Sure looked like it to me. I never root for injuries but I think the Revis injury is standard you don't know what you have until it's gone. The Jets are the boyfriend that breaks up with you and then 2 weeks later drunk dials you saying how much he misses you and wants you back. Jets didn't want to give him more money and I'm sure Revis has gotten a few drunk dials from Sexy Rexy already. Although maybe not since Antonio Cromartie is clearly the 2nd best CB in the NFL. PS: I had week 4 in the "Start Tebow!!!" pool and I'm expecting a check in the mail. Eva Longoria should also start thinking about ditching Sanchez for Tebow at this point.

Another thing...watching Monday Night Countdown and the all-knowing Keyshawn Johnson is rambling on about how the Jets have no names on offense and how you can't blame Sanchez for that. Well no, but that doesn't mean he isn't a shitty quarterback. Oh, I'm sorry, name me all the All-Pro's and first ballot Hall of Famers on the 2001 Patriots SuperBowl roster. Mark Sanchez sucks, do we all know that now? In this world there are Tom Brady's and Mark Sanchez'zzzz; I know which one I am. Keyshawn go back to hating on the Patriots while playing dreidel with a football for 12 hours a day.

I really couldn't get into hispanic heritage month without my babe Aaron Hernandez, as much as I tried. Sanchez really wasn't helping things, NFL. Hoping to hear some good news this week since it's now October 1 and he is supposed to be back "October at the earliest" but don't want any rushing back. The Patriots offense of the second half yesterday + a healthy Aaron would be scary in a good way.

Speaking of scary in a good way, how fun was it seeing this today?

I think Kobe might ask Metta to elbow some more guys to win the championship this year. The man is hungry and the only 2 people hungrier for a championship this year are Dwight Howard and Steve Nash (PS they are both in that picture). Don't mind if I do get a little excited about this Lakers team.

Really though my karaoke version of the Faith Hill Sunday Night Football theme is pretty legendary. Faith, don't quit your day job.....

on the bright side

i realize i'm preaching to no one here (except everyone in LA minus the 4 clipper fans) but i can't even really be that pissed about the lakers this season. i am pissed bynum can act so immature and ruin the lakers chances by just not giving a shit, but i can't help but love his grit and toughness. i'm pretty pumped about whatever voo doo the germans have that have fixed kobe's two knees but rock on germans (never thought i'd say that in my lifetime).

this is a lakers team that was never supposed to be anyways. lakers were supposed to have chris paul, andrew bynum, kobe bryant as the only big 3 anyone should give a shit about. lakers were supposed to have gasol and odom back after the fiasco. gasol is playing like the white swan again and lamar is probably alone in his closet wearing his lakers jersey and making khloe polish his championship rings. hell we'll probably get him back after this season anyways.

and while everyone is making some media commotion about how the lakers dominance is over and kobe's washed up and there's no hope in LA, i am confused. i mean, while the heat were letting roy hibbert beat them, the 'veteran, experienced' celtics were getting pushed around by the SIXERS, the spurs literally ran over the la floppers, the lakers were 5 points and 5 bad minutes of basketball (helped by some clutch shots from the next generation's kobe) from being up 3-1 on a team that the nation and probably most laker fans thought/think might win a title this year. add to the fact that they are fueled by that game 6 pau gasol tip in win back in 2010. 

so i'm all for the lakers taking the patriots approach and let's get odom ariza and trade for iguodala and go at it again. go spurs?

First Down

I don't have much credibility on sports except for that I watch a lot of them. I am a Patriots, Lakers and Yankees fan and I get a lot of shit for it. Yes I know, they win championships, let's just call them winners. I am not a bandwagon fan nor will I ever put a Jets, Celtics or Red Sox jersey on my child. Sometimes girls like sports and sometimes guys are confused and terrified by it. They can suck it.